Pressure Vs Support – a Guide for Parents of High School Students

For teens in the race to try to get into the colleges of their choice, the decision can be tormenting, and the process exhausting.  There’s always one more Advanced Placement course to squeeze in, one additional activity or one more sport to add to the list. As the pressure on high school students is pushed further and further, parents find themselves questioning how to provide support without causing pressure to succeed.

Every parent wants to figure out the balancing act between pushing students hard enough to succeed, but not so hard that they crack. Some students can easily handle multiple advanced classes and activities and athletics. But others cannot — and should not feel the pressure to do so at any cost, especially from their parents. While most colleges look for students who have succeeded in rigorous academic programs, they aren’t looking for a long list of them. Know what your teen is capable of and support them in doing the best they can at what they can.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Parents need not freak out all of the time about every little thing, and should save the freak-outs for the big stuff. One of the biggest stresses for students is the constant attention that parents pay to grades. For example, don’t freak out over one bad grade on a single test or project in a course, but instead give your teen the chance and encouragement to work their way back to a better overall grade in the course. The backdrops to the academic pressures are the social pressures students feel to fit in and to be considered “cool” and accepted. Sometimes social pressure can even be more intense than the academic pressure, and it sometimes comes more from parents than peers. Social pressure is one of the main causes for students to drink or try drugs to fit into a popular crowd and socially popular groups. It is also common for teens to abuse drugs and alcohol to withstand the pressure of their schedules and the expectations they face from parents. The best thing for parents to do is to not pressure teens to “be like” or “fit in with” certain groups or kids--let your kids choose their own friends and as long as they are not reckless or dangerous youth, trust their decisions.

Take time, step back
Teaching teens to live a balanced lifestyle will better prepare them for college and life than a hectic lifestyle packed beyond their capabilities. Both parents and students need to take time to evaluate their schedules and to choose coursework and activities that are meaningful and challenging — but not burdensome. Parents need to be in tune with their kids and they need to learn how to push, but not too much. And, more importantly, parents need to learn to let their children fail. There is no need to nag your teen about things they know that they need to do, like college applications and school projects. If it means that they have to stay up most of the night to meet a deadline, let them learn from it for themselves that the next morning isn’t going to be too much fun!

School is a Full-Time Job

When you ask parents what their memories are of high school, they are often quick to remember high school dances, awards they won for outstanding achievements, or simply the fun of being a ‘care-free’ teenager in a whirl of extra curricular activities.

Rarely do parents remember the sinking feeling of walking into class on a test day, or the late night frenzy that came before a big assignment that had been postponed too long.

It’s important for both parents and high school students who are bound for college to recognize that school is a full time job.

Imagine that you’ve just been hired for the following job – you’ll spend long periods of time sitting in a stationary position, absorbing information, and then demonstrating knowledge by performing a series of writing exercises and projects. You’ll be critiqued and judged continuously by a whole team of bosses, and have little-to-no say in due dates and project timelines for your work. You’ll be randomly assigned extra work to take home, and often expected to work with partners that can’t or won’t carry their weight.

Most people would look at this description and think “What a terrible job!”

Parents and students both need to shift their thinking from “school is just a fact of life” to “school is a full-time job.” That job is learning, and the work is demonstrating knowledge. Students are paid for their work with grades. The better the work, the better the grades.

If you or your high school student is struggling with viewing work as a full time job, download our FREE article on Time Management for College Bound Students, available here.