Thursday, February 10, 2011

College is Educational for the Parents, Too

Every parent starts asking themselves questions when their college bound high school student looms closer and closer to graduation day. Is he/she going to be dedicated enough in college to study hard and make the right grades? Is he/she ready to live away from home? Have we chosen the right school?

One of the most commonly asked questions is "Will we be able to afford all the expense associated with a college education?" It is very easy to become so concerned with the expense issue that many parents tend to forget they have a living and breathing individual heading into the world for the first time, many times feeling alone, scared, and afraid of failure.

Armed with Values

If you are like most parents of teens graduating from high school, you have attempted to instill a sense of duty and responsibility into your child.  You've probably given speeches about how class studies are more important than love interests and extra curricular activities.  If you didn't do this before the senior year of high school, you may have waited too late to make a real impact.

If we expect our children to grow into sensible, respectable, dependable, and trustworthy adults, we have to mold those attributes from an early age. If we want our child to behave like a mature adult, we have to give them some chances to become one before they ever leave home.

What the future high school graduate needs from the parents is some trust and understanding.  As parents often face a financial hardship when teens go to college, the college students are facing some difficulties, too.  Adjusting to life away from everything familiar is tough for anyone, and how a parent supports a child during that process has a great deal to do with the student's success or failure.

Know When to Criticize

A parent has to be balanced between pushing for good grades and consoling their student when grades aren't achieved as desired.  The fact is most freshmen college students have lower scores than they had in high school at the outset.  This doesn't mean expectations of high marks are impossible, but it is realistic to assume that early scores won't be the best.

A teen may lose respect for a condescending parent who is highly critical of their early efforts at college class work.  Reactions can cause a void much wider than the distance between home and college. All of us undergo an adjustment period when we experience significant lifestyle changes, and embarking into college life is no exception.

Don't Be a Mother Hen

Being overly protective and hovering around campus too much is another fault of some parents.  Your student may be a little apprehensive and uncertain when they first go away, but they do not want to be viewed as fragile by their peers; would you?  If you as a parent are asked to come and visit, that is one thing; but inviting yourself, especially if often, gives the impression that you believe your young adult is still a child.

Many teenagers go to college and do little more than attend parties and goof off.  They do not last long in the pursuit of a college education because their goals and objectives are unfocused.  A student who is trying and putting forth effort deserves the benefit of the doubt as they settle in and figure out what adjustments they need to make to improve grades and achieve their goals. As hard as it may be at times, parents must be patient, understanding, and motivational.

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