Pressure Vs Support – a Guide for Parents of High School Students

For teens in the race to try to get into the colleges of their choice, the decision can be tormenting, and the process exhausting.  There’s always one more Advanced Placement course to squeeze in, one additional activity or one more sport to add to the list. As the pressure on high school students is pushed further and further, parents find themselves questioning how to provide support without causing pressure to succeed.

Every parent wants to figure out the balancing act between pushing students hard enough to succeed, but not so hard that they crack. Some students can easily handle multiple advanced classes and activities and athletics. But others cannot — and should not feel the pressure to do so at any cost, especially from their parents. While most colleges look for students who have succeeded in rigorous academic programs, they aren’t looking for a long list of them. Know what your teen is capable of and support them in doing the best they can at what they can.

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
Parents need not freak out all of the time about every little thing, and should save the freak-outs for the big stuff. One of the biggest stresses for students is the constant attention that parents pay to grades. For example, don’t freak out over one bad grade on a single test or project in a course, but instead give your teen the chance and encouragement to work their way back to a better overall grade in the course. The backdrops to the academic pressures are the social pressures students feel to fit in and to be considered “cool” and accepted. Sometimes social pressure can even be more intense than the academic pressure, and it sometimes comes more from parents than peers. Social pressure is one of the main causes for students to drink or try drugs to fit into a popular crowd and socially popular groups. It is also common for teens to abuse drugs and alcohol to withstand the pressure of their schedules and the expectations they face from parents. The best thing for parents to do is to not pressure teens to “be like” or “fit in with” certain groups or kids--let your kids choose their own friends and as long as they are not reckless or dangerous youth, trust their decisions.

Take time, step back
Teaching teens to live a balanced lifestyle will better prepare them for college and life than a hectic lifestyle packed beyond their capabilities. Both parents and students need to take time to evaluate their schedules and to choose coursework and activities that are meaningful and challenging — but not burdensome. Parents need to be in tune with their kids and they need to learn how to push, but not too much. And, more importantly, parents need to learn to let their children fail. There is no need to nag your teen about things they know that they need to do, like college applications and school projects. If it means that they have to stay up most of the night to meet a deadline, let them learn from it for themselves that the next morning isn’t going to be too much fun!

College Bound Students - Remaining True to the Challenge

When your child leaves for college, it can be one of the saddest moments you as a parent ever experience.  For your child, it can be traumatic to anticipate an entirely different lifestyle change.  And while you may be sad after your child departs for school, your student will begin their college education as they cross over the threshold into adulthood. This is a very big step for them.

Sadly, many young adults forget much of what they are taught at home when they enter college.  They view themselves as grown and in charge of their lives.  Some teens head to college with partying on their minds which seriously interferes with their studies. In the process, they often influence others to follow suit and often with much success.

The first six weeks of college are considered a challenge for young people who've never attended school away from home.  They will be enticed to drink, party, and stay out late, and while none of this may sound like activities your child would participate in, it is sometimes a temptation that can be difficult to resist.

One statistic that sticks out above all the others is the number of students who make it to the second year of college.  Only two-thirds of the kids who start college get that far.  As you might guess, more drop offs occur each year after, but the first year is the most crucial and takes the largest toll on the college population.

What can you do to keep your child from becoming one of those drops outs?
If you do your homework, you should know something of the eyes and ears of the college your child is attending.  You want to have support from the organizations and people who can make a difference.
Keeping a quality line of communication open with your student is also helpful. It is essential to keep in mind that you simply cannot treat them the same way you did when they were in high school. By respecting their age and maturity, they will be much more open to communication than if you continue to treat them like a child.

Parents have a responsibility to their children even if that path is a difficult one.  Parental support is very important in the early years of college. The motivation you provide might be just what they need to remain focused and complete their educational goals.

The Importance of Middle School

Many parents view middle school as the time just before a student enters the serious part of his or her education.  This is poor vision of what should actually be taking place at that time.

It may seem that your middle school student is not academically ready for some of the courses of study before the ninth grade, but the truth is, the harder ones are what prepare the student to be able to perform better on their high school transcript.

Think of it this way; everything in life that a person goes through from birth to advancing years prepares them for the next step.  Just as high school prepares students for college, middle school prepares them for high school.  Taking class study lightly is never conducive for a student to become an achiever.

Everything Counts After 8th Grade

When those grades begin to hit the transcript record in the ninth grade, they should be challenging courses in which the student has high scores.  The better the scholastic standards, the more financial aid possibilities will be available and more of the better colleges will be interested in the student's attendance.

College acceptance is a competition because the best colleges limit the enrollment to keep the educational process working to its best efficiency.  Because the colleges are high in demand, they only accept students with the highest grades in challenging subjects.  Committees that choose students for grants or scholarships look for these same achievements before making offers.

A Parent's Responsibility

In light of this factual data, you as the parent should strongly encourage your future college student to prepare very well during the seventh and eighth grades.  Even if some harder classes don't present the grades you and your student hope for, they do prepare them for harder courses in the next arena, which will shed a brighter light on the college bound youth.

What Middle School Should Do for a Student

Two very important formative parts of middle school can make the difference in the ninth grade.

* First, if courses are hard enough that grades need improving, it teaches better study habits as well as how and where to get assistance for problematic studies.  It also teaches tenacity to achieve desired results.

* Secondly, it teaches organizational skills that will make the student better at anything he or she does in high school, college, and in life.

If your child is taking off the two years before the ninth grade by electing easier classes, it is a mistake that will cause less achievement at the next level, and possibly limit college opportunities.

Five Tips for Parenting The College-Bound Child

Raising a child is the most challenging thing most people will ever do, and sending them away to college is one of the toughest parts.  Helping your teenager choose the perfect college is a great start – but how can you help them succeed there? Education is your child's first real job, and college might actually be the hardest job they'll ever do. You can't go with them and can't do their work for them, but send them as well prepared as possible with these five tips.

First, prepare your child for a big step up in academic expectations.  For the vast majority of students, college is a tremendous increase in academic difficulty.  They can expect work to get harder and grades to get lower.  If your child doesn't expect this they might become discouraged. 

Second, prepare your child for self management.  In high school, it is the school's job to see to it the student passes.  In college, it's the student's job to satisfy the college that they should be allowed to pass.  Your child has to manage their own relationships with their instructors, their own administrative matter, and their own studying.  Get them to manage these things in high school, especially in their senior year.   Your child will be treated as an adult by their college, so they should get some practice as soon as possible. 

Third, help your child learn the school beforehand.  Orientations, campus tours, literature, and talking to former students is invaluable for preparing to move away and profoundly change their lives.  Even a moderately large school has the area and population of a small city and the bureaucracy can be just as hard to navigate. The more your child knows before college starts, the less shock they will experience. 

Fourth, help your child budget.  If your child is on their own for the first time the temptation to blow through their spending money can be overwhelming.  Get the numbers down on paper and show them what they have and how it can be stretched out all year.  The last thing a young student needs come exam time is to panic over a money shortage.

Fifth, don't overemphasize post-college plans.  It's good to think about careers, but as the old sports saying goes, you have to play them one game at a time.  Your child might change their mind, change majors, or adjust any number of things, but the critically important thing is to graduate from college first. 

Your child is about to embark upon a journey of four or more years.  You can’t lead them but you can at least start them off with a map and a compass!